Loving Yourself in your Love Language

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As we learn to love ourselves, it is so important that we do things for ourselves to feel and grow our self-love and we all have unique ways that we can do this.

You may have heard of The 5 Love Languages (Gary Chapman). According to the book, there are five different love languages that we all use to express our love to others and to feel love from others. These include Quality Time, Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch and Receiving Gifts. When we show our love to someone else in our love language and their language is different to ours, we get lost in translation and they may be left feeling unloved because they didn’t realize that your action is a communication of love. And we are left feeling unappreciated. And the same for us in return. If your love language is Quality Time and your husband’s is Acts of Service, he may work extremely hard to show you that he loves you but because he is working hard, he may be spending less time with you so you may be left feeling unloved because your love language is Quality Time.

This same idea goes for showing yourself love, as you are learning to love yourself. Let’s say your love language is Quality Time and you are ignoring your need for Me-time, you could still be left feeling unloved, if you are only spending time working and not spending time with yourself.

If you haven’t realized what your love language is, you could check out www.fivelovelanguages.com and do the quiz to find out your love language. Then think about 5 ways that you could show yourself love in your own love language and commit to doing one of these at least once a day.

Translating your Love Language…

Quality Time – You could spend some time alone listening to music or whatever you enjoy doing.

Acts of Service – You could clean out your cupboards or cook yourself your favourite dish.

Words of Affirmation – Look yourself in the mirror and speak beautiful words of love such as, “I love and accept you exactly as you are.” (Louise Hay)

Physical Touch – You could indulge in a relaxing massage at a spa or a hot lavender bath while the children are sleeping.

Receiving Gifts – You could take yourself shopping for something you would love but wouldn’t normally buy yourself, it doesn’t have to be huge, only something you’d really love.

As we begin to speak our own love language, instead of other peoples, we begin to feel appreciation for ourselves and for our own magnificence and that’s where the magic is ~ Alison Livanos @imspired

The Gift of Self Care

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As Moms we tend to give selflessly to everyone, including our children, our husbands or partners, our friends, just about everyone, except ourselves. The challenge is: how can we nurture and care for those around us if we are feeling drained and tired and unfulfilled ourselves? How can we expect ourselves to be the strong, supportive, loving Mom we love to be if we ourselves feel unsupported and loved? It all begins with us.

Imagine a big pot that you need to feed your family from. Now imagine the pot is empty. How on earth can we expect to feed our family from an empty pot? Now imagine you are that pot. Well how on earth can you give your family the love and nurturing they need if you are not first nurtured and loved yourself? How could you fill the pot today so that you can feed your family the love and nurturing they need?

Sometimes, we get so busy juggling the duties of Motherhood, work, relationships and all the other stuff, that some of us have even forgotten what we love to do. We spend our days finding ways to fulfill our families and make our bosses or clients happy and thinking about their needs and wants and we forget what our needs and wants are.

The best way to give your family the best is to find what is best for you too. Perhaps you could consider doing a bit of time travel and go back to a time when you were a carefree, fun-loving, happy child. Even people who have had the most challenging childhoods, had some happy moments and activities that took them to a place of happiness.  

Now take a piece of paper and write at the top: What did I love to do as a child? Now think of all the things that you have ever loved to do before, write down whatever comes to mind. It could be eating ice cream around the pool. Baking cookies. Writing poetry. Drawing pictures. Whatever comes to mind, write these down. It may be challenging at first but try to find five things to start with and then build on that list.

Now pick one of these things to do today. Just one small, simple act of kindness for yourself so that you can start filling your pot of love. And then tomorrow another. And then as you start feeling nourished yourself, you start building up the strength to be your best again so you can give your best to everyone around you. Now that is fulfilling ~ Alison Livanos.